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One of my favorite movies in the world is Brown Sugar. Maybe it?s the writer in me that can relate to the story?s main protagonist, Sidney Shaw, maybe its the fact that I?m a hopeless romantic and have an infatuation with the story of hip-hop and how it came to be. Whatever the case, I can watch this movie over and over again, never growing tired of watching Sidney and Dre?s romance blossom from innocent friendship to romance on my television screen. I always turn to mush as the movie comes to an end? and Sidney finally confesses her love for her longtime best friend over the radio airwaves of New York City?s Hot97. Unfortunately, there is no sequel to Brown Sugar, so one can?t say for sure whether or not things worked out for Sidney and Dre. The fact of the matter is that this is only a movie and they are only fictional characters birthed from some amazing storyteller?s imagination, so one can argue that the relationship between Sidney and Dre is highly idealized and overly romanticized. However, the one thing that can be taken away from these characters is the importance of friendship and the part it plays in the success of romantic relationships. Okay, no I am not suggesting that you go jumping out of the window, forcing a relationship on your nearest male friend, but, what I am saying is that there should be some form of a close friendship between you and your spouse or significant other.
It is a common occurrence to hear people refer to their spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends, fiances etc. as their best friend, so common that many write it off as cliche. But, when you really think about it, if this is the person that you are building a life with, entrusting your emotions to, and investing your time in, shouldn?t you guys be friends as well? The bond of friendship is usually formed between partners during the early ?get to know you phase? of dating and courtship. The phase where emotions aren?t too much invested. It is during this time where a couple will begin to learn more about one another, such as likes and dislikes, hobbies, goals, aspirations, fears, familial structures, good habits, bad habits, and so on. Unfortunately, we are living in the microwave generation where we demand instant gratification instead of sitting back and waiting for something to blossom in the timing that it is supposed to. As a result of this, many couples find themselves fast forwarding past this fundamental bonding period and dive head first into full blown romantic whirlwinds. These whirlwinds have the potential to end in a crash and burn scenario because there was no solid foundation built at the beginning of the relationship.
Let?s go back to Brown Sugar for a moment. The relationship between Dre and Reese is the perfect example of a whirlwind gone wrong. They were married after only a few months of dating each other, the honeymoon ended, real life kicked in, and they realized that they had absolutely nothing in common thus resulting in a divorce before the ink even dried on their marriage license. Of course, this situation is extremely exaggerated for the sake of Hollywood and the making of a great story; however, the underlying scenario is the same.
Boy meets girl. Boy and girl like each other. Boy and girl hook up and form a relationship. The newness of the relationship fades. Boy and girl realize they have nothing in common and barely know each other. Boy and girl break up. End scene.
There comes a point in almost every relationship where rough patches are experienced, it?s life, it?s inevitable. When a relationship is based and works solely on superficial things such as chemistry and physical attraction, the chances of that relationship surviving those rough patches are greatly diminished because it has no substance. Your banging body alone will not help him cope with losing his job and the sweet nothings that he is so great at whispering in your ear won?t help you to cope with the loss of a loved one. What will help you is the friendship that you?ve built, the important things you?ve learned about one another, and the way in which you?ve learned to support one another. While the rest of the world seems to be running a relay race in the game of love, it?s okay to want to take your time, as slow and steady wins the race. So the next time you meet someone who you feel to be worth your while, try taking things slow this time. Try making him a friend and building a healthy friendship first.
Jazmine Denise is a New York City based Lifestyle & Relationship writer. Follow her on Twitter?@jazminedenise.
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